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For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
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Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.
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Why don't you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
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Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
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You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to.
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He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.
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Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.
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You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.
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We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
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He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.
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People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them
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A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
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His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.
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He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.
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Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
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A rose by any other name still has thorns.
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Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
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Are you typing with your forehead, again?
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Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
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Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.
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Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
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This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting
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Do I look like a damn people person?
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My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you really messed up my life...
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Kind, intelligent, loving and hot. This describes everything you are not...
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As you go through life you are going to have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them.
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I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I'd rather look at the moon again..
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This sms can only be read by someone SEXY
try again
again
maybe you are
just not sexy?
one more time
hey don't force it ugly!!!
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Hey
friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom &
without ugliness there can be no beauty..so the world needs YOU after
all!
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I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!
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I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
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You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!
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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
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I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
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Well,
they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody
who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
